Psalm 327

I thought that I wanted the forest
The leaves turning white-gold
The moss on the carpet
The trail that winds around the maples, soft
I thought that I wanted the winter
The first snowfall, December mornings
The cardinal in his jacket red
And I thought that I wanted the spring
I thought that I wanted a particular kiss
Plucked from old memories
Sweetened by time
I thought that I wanted the ocean
The plover, the sunbather
The couple picnicking near the surf
I thought that I wanted my youth
I thought that I wanted an instant pleasure
Taste of chocolate, the rasping singers voice
Long days dozing under the covers, playing at hide and seek with my life
I thought that I wanted so many things
But I was wrong
I thought that I wanted a holiday with family and friends
Tinsel and candles and starry, stark nights
I thought that I wanted my mothers voice on Christmas morning
Or a Valentine, a rose, a warmth
I thought that I wanted to change everything
Of myself, of my days, of my heart
To turn back time gently and wake from this disappointed dream
To relive all those silver moments again and again
And never advance from them
I thought that I wanted what I thought had been stolen
I thought I wanted to tear out these pages, burn the book
And try all over again, just once more
And this time I would get it right
I thought that I wanted so many things
But I was wrong
There was someone braver than me, and kinder too
Who waited patient while I tried to force my daydreams to materialize
Who understood that it wasn't the trees or the moss
It wasn't an irretrievable moment, or a laugh or a certain hand
Or light, or day, or me
That I wanted
It was
Him